See if you can advice.

….Can anyone help please? I’ve got Grappie-Bingles* swarming round the property?

and it looks like they’re planning a raid on the ripening fruit of our Nepalese Cherry-Plum cactus. Please, please hurry as the danger is real & imminent. What should i do???

(any vulgar or serious answerers will get blocked quicker than you can say? …….pigeon-stool!)

—————————LEEEEEEEEEEET ME TELL YOU——
DONT MOVE A MUSCLE! those nasty buggers had me doubled over backwards, paralyzed with nails sprouting out of my elbows when i attempted to seize them!. they’re related to Bowtruckles (these buggers track around Bows) and so they bite if you intervene.
ADVICE : shut all doors, windows or any other opening to the property; take off all current clothing and incinerate; next FULL MOON, you MUST dance around the Herry-Hub Shrub and recite the three witches passages in ‘MACBETH’……
"eye of newt, essesnse of salamander…………"

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