Need advice on how to handle this situation: I work 10hrs a day, my husband has his own company so already theres a lot of ‘shop’ talk at the dinner table and I try to help him with the admin. of the company.
His step son (26) came to stay with us to help his dad on a couple of big projects- and then the step-son’s uncle came (so the ex-wife’s brother) as he is a skilled tile fixer and my hubby needed him for a project. I agreed because I now my husband needs his expertise, so they are both living with us. My son (also 26) and his fiancee were previously staying with us while they saved for a deposit on a house, but they moved out back to her parents house so the room was free for the uncle (the ‘short’ project has now been over a month).
I’ve tried to tell my husband that I’m fed up with mens’ work talk at dinner, would like to go out alone with him after a day’s work, and everyone should share the housework – but he just says well when my son is around I never tell him about housework (not true). Also, when we go out, his son and the uncle always come with us and my husband pays for everything for them. They also monopolise the TV and the sofa, so I end up going to watch TV in the bedroom (the uncle has a TV in his room). The uncle doesnt even clean his own bathroom. Yesterday i had some work to do myself, but ended up fixing lunch and doing the washing up for 4 men (a friend of my husbands came round) – they then went off to work and when I raised the fact that noone helped with the washing up, my husband said, but its normal, they are working and that when my son comes round I clear his dishes!!! Of course my son and my step son are my family, but I resent having to live in my home like its their building site! I feel I am becomine more and more excluded from my own house – apart from the housework! I cant even invite my friends over, as they are always there and never go out – I was trying to keep a nice house (I pay more than half the mortgage!) but now I feel its not my home any more – any advice?! I’m really unhappy and feel nobody listens to me.
Then he said well when my son passes by he leaves ashtrays etc and I dont say anything, so dont say anything about his son and his uncle… (not true, I do moan at my son if I see anything but he was in his room before and I never touched his room!)
Well seeing as they treat your home as a hotel I would start charging them rent.
Fish and visitors start smelling after three days.
I would nt make them lunch and I would not clean up after them- If they treat you like the maid., I would refuse duty.
I would also tell my husband. My home my rules. Anybody that does not like it is welcome to change to a hotel.
I have to say thankfully my husband has more sense though He would have capped the staying time to a week
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Sounds like your reaction is the typical reaction for anyone in that situation. I don’t really know what to say other than you need to get all those people out of your house. Good luck.
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I am sure I’ll be very upset if i am in your shoese, just make it a point to your husband that this is upsetting you, and you can’t go on taking care of everyone’s washings and cleaning, ask him to tell them to take a share cleaning after work is done, this way no one will be tierd or doing much cleaning up work..if your husband wouldn’t listen to you, stop doing anything related to the house work, till he starts to complain and realizes how messy the sit is, and this would be the right time you can really force him and the others to help you and clean their mess…i know it would be hard for you to keep the place untidey and not clean for a while, but it see this is the only way to let your husband know ur suffering!!
Good luck!!
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sounds just awful. why don’t you just clean up after yourself and your husband, let your husband see what kind of a mess his relatives leave behind. if he complains about it and throws the fact that you clean up after your son in your face tell him, "okay then, so then you need to clean up after your relatives". it is a bit aggressive, but it sounds like your fed. also, you could try speaking with them directly, with your husband present.
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I think Inquisi is on the right track of only doing your own things and letting the men mess up things to their heart’s content. If they come to you and need laundry done or food, then you sweetly explain the situation and how they will need to help out if they want you back in the kitchen. You could also just serve them with a kind, loving heart, and your husband would marvel at the change in you and love you forever for it.
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The more u get on hubbys back the more he will kick them out. If he dont need them he will do it.
he should do it anyway but keep complaining it and he will see the error of their ways.
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Get them people out of your house!
Your hubby should be helping you more,
Its a combined effort, if your married.
Tell him everything is stressing you out
and i agree only clean your stuff
and see how messy the house becomes.
Dont be so inviting!
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Well seeing as they treat your home as a hotel I would start charging them rent.
Fish and visitors start smelling after three days.
I would nt make them lunch and I would not clean up after them- If they treat you like the maid., I would refuse duty.
I would also tell my husband. My home my rules. Anybody that does not like it is welcome to change to a hotel.
I have to say thankfully my husband has more sense though He would have capped the staying time to a week
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Girlfriend sounds like your totally being taken advantage of! First of all I could see you helping your step-son for awhile even though he is well passed the helping age. He is the only one I would allow to come and stay.Your hubby allowing his ex-wifes brother to come is totally disrespectful to you because it means your hubby has emotional ties to his ex-wfies family as if he has not created one with you and your people. Put your foot down & tell his behind that the grown man has to go & your not looking into your husbands past. They are also using the hell out of you by having you clean and pay bills. If I am paying bills in a house you better believe I will not be looking into my husbands ex-wifes brothers face! It sounds like your more of a convenience than a wife……Put your foot down and tell him either he hires outside help or finds a new job! Don’t get used & stop paying the dern bills when there are three grown men there to do it!
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